Science Lab Fails
April 5, 2019
Filed under News
Recently in the the science department there has been reports of multiple mishaps during Laboratory Demonstrations. Lucky these malfunctions have not been dangerous or life threatening. Science teachers use these laboratory demonstrations to enhance the learning environment for students and create a more ...
Rabbi Stern Gets the Smartboard to Work
April 5, 2019
Filed under News
[Transcript of an eyewitness account:] It was 1:35 PM, and Rabbi Stern was waiting for his AP Calculus class to arrive. On that day, like most others, his SMARTboard began to give him trouble. Usually, he was usually able to fix the technology the old-fashioned way: giving it a few taps to show it who was...
Library Further Improved
April 5, 2019
Filed under News
Our situation in the library last year was too good to be true. With all of our working computers, and never jammed printer- the library was a true “heaven” or glimpse of olam habah and remains so today. The school has recently installed the newest software for the PCs and bought a jamless printe...
It’s not “Rabbi X” – It’s Rabbi S
April 5, 2019
Filed under News
A startling new piece of information has come to light in the Ramaz community, as Rabbi Stochel* has admitted that in choosing Judaic studies faculty, he prioritizes Rabbis whose last names start with the letter “s.” When asked for comment, Rabbi Slomnicki replied, “On behalf of myself, Ra...
Quiet! Faculty Play Rehearsals in Progress
April 5, 2019
Filed under News
This year, the Ramaz faculty embarked on a new project: creating a faculty theatre company that would perform several shows a year in an effort to acculturate the Ramaz student body. Dr. Milowitz and Dr. Gaylord, the initiative’s key proponents, casted the show by listening to faculty members perform soli...
Yearbook and Rampage come to a Truce, Ending Yearslong War
April 5, 2019
Filed under News
It’s well known that the biggest rivalry in Ramaz exists between the Rampage and the Yearbook. For years, both publications have been competing for the highest readership, the best writers, and the most-awarded status. No student could be the editor of both the Rampage and the Yearbook, and this crea...
Ernesto Uncovered
April 5, 2019
Filed under News
Though Ramaz has many legendary figures, from Debevoise and Plimpton to the Lookstein Dynasty, one person looms particularly large in the school’s lore: Ernesto. Ernesto is a godsend for Ramaz students who don’t like writing history papers, since for the meager price of $500 dollars, he will comple...
English Department Bans All Sexual Imagery– Guns, Skyscrapers, and Poles Across the World Protest
April 5, 2019
Filed under News
After years of detecting sexual connotations in imagery as seemingly innocuous as a tree or a skyscraper, the Ramaz English department has suddenly renounced any and all such inferences. “Maybe a flower is just a flower,” Ms. Litwack said, after year of teaching that a tree was a symbol for the ...
No Ivy, No Problem?
April 5, 2019
Filed under News
In a shocking turn of events, only two of this year’s Rampage editors will be matriculating to Ivy League institutions, the Rampage has recently learned. Reporters and readers alike find themselves utterly perplexed by this development, and it quickly become the talk in Ramaz’s journalistic circl...
BathroomGate: The iFlush 3000 comes to Ramaz
April 5, 2019
Filed under News
For the majority of the month of February, a mysterious, disconcerting and downright annoying scandal ensued: the fourth-floor bathrooms were closed. With no notice, students walked towards the bathroom to find that the doors were locked shut, reading “OUT OF SERVICE.” For days, students, especially ...
Teachers Show Up in PJs
April 4, 2019
Filed under News
On Wednesday, March 6, students entered the building expecting the usual morning grind: some davening, followed by a few stolen muffins, then a few grueling hours of class. But as students poured into the building at 8 AM, their typical morning-drowsiness was quickly swept away by feelings of utter disbe...
The Juuling Epidemic
Tammy Palagi ’21 and Maya Chaovat ’21
April 4, 2019
Filed under News
Millions of teenagers in America have become swept up in the new culture of Juuling. A Juul is a type of E-cigarette that was created in 2015 with the intention of helping adult smokers quit cigarettes. But what started as a means of helping adults quit cigarettes quickly turned into an independent smok...
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